Sunday, December 19, 2010

And the waiting is over!

10 days of obsessively checking my inbox, and it's over. She added me. And sent me a little note. Hurrah for facebook! I had honestly expected her to tell me to get bent. But I expected that of everyone I ever contacted from my natural family I suppose. That primal, always there, feeling of impending rejection.

Now it' what. I knew kinda where to go and what to say with my older sis when I re-reunited with her 3 yrs ago (wow time sure does fly) I already knew her, at least a little bit. Little sis, I know what I've heard from family and the friends who knew her, but I don't "know" her at all. I mean, what do I say now? Hey what have you been up to the last 22 years?

on to the next step. Despite the what nows, I am over the moon happy. Maybe now I can stop grinching it up and get some yule spirit going...

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Waiting...and hoping

I've been trying to find my half sister for a long time now. No one on my ndad's side knew where she'd gotten to, she'd cut off contact with everyone. From time to time, I'd type her name into Google and see what came up. My big sis took a look at the pictures, and confirmed, that was her. Tonight, I typed her name into the Facebook search. And there she was.

I sent a message, and a friend request, and here I am, at 32, with ice cold hands, and my gut tied in knots hoping that she will answer me. And not outright reject me. And also in disbelief that I actually went ahead and did it. I agonized for weeks over whether or not to message big sis when I found her on fb, and I'd actually met her before, and gotten to know her somewhat before I bolted from reunion.

I met little sis once, by accident. I was babysitting for a friend, and her daughter had a friend over. And this little friend kept popping up the stairs, saying I looked so familiar. She did too. But I couldn't place it. Not until after, when I found out that the little girl was my sister. I so very badly want to get to know her. I hate this waiting, and hoping part. I wonder how long it will take me to get to epic basket case status. At this rate, not long.

Adoption sucks!