Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Happy frigging birthday

The day started off well. Had a nice breakfast, got a solid workout in, got the worlds longest birthday hug ever from my youngest, the girls left me enough milk to have some coffee...things were ok. All my relatives that are on fb sent me lovely bday messages. And then, cue jaws music, the email from amom.

It was cute and funny to start with. Talking about all the cakes she baked for me when I was younger, and wishing she could do something for me this bday. And then her closing line... "I hope your family does something nice for you today, but if they don't even remember, don't get upset."

W.T.F. Seriously? Having a therapy appointment scheduled on my birthday is no longer a funny thing to banter about with my sister. it's a necessity. I just spent the last half hour melting down into a blubbering sobbing mess while my dogs looked on very confused just trying to get ahold of myself before my eldest gets home. That one sentence, pretty much sums up so much that is wrong with my relationship with my amom.

Sad thing is, I likely won't say one little thing to her about how that made me feel. There's a reason I have spent many years feeling insignificant, and that I don't have the right to ask for anything, whether it be something material, or attention, affection, respect, anything really. Yup, therapy is the perfect place to spend my birthday evening.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Amanda - I know how you feel. Here is the thing....crappy parents and crappy people are crappy regardless of relation. A week or two ago I was having dinner with a friend and sharing how hurt I was that my non-biological father (the one I grew up with) did not attend my 30th birthday. I remarked that it was in those moments I remembered we weren't related and she said, "Nope that's not why...he was just being a crappy person, my mother is 100 percent related to me and she didn't show up for my college graduation - crappy people, are crappy people."

    I'm sorry your a-mom is not everything for which you hoped, but remember she is the way she is because that's who she is. It has nothing to do with who you are.

    It's easier said than done, but don't take it personally.